so i thought i should do a post on why i even started this blog. why is writing such a personal part of me, and why am i willing to share all these intricate thoughts with the rest of the world - people who don’t know me at all - when i’m not willing to share them with my friends?
I originally started blogging because i’m not much of a talker.
words get stuck in my throat - this fear of speaking up, even in a small group of friends has plagued me for most of my life. I also tend to repress my feelings or emotions. words mixed with internal conflicts are often so bottled up and repressed in me that when I receive the slightest criticism or think that others are rejecting me, i may completely close myself up and stop talking altogether. i may also erupt and start spilling everything inside me - this recently happened in a meeting with one of my clubs - and it absolutely shocked people.
most assume i stay silent because i have nothing to say, but i do. i have so much to say - i just don’t know how to get it out. i want attention but i’m scared of it - i want to speak but i can’t articulate my thoughts clearly on the spot. nervousness takes over when a room full of eyes stare at me.
as a result, blogging came naturally. in middle school, when i couldn’t tell my parents my struggles and didn’t have friends to confide in, i only had my diary, in various notebooks, and online. my blogger friends supported me - we kept long email chains back and forth, and i ranted out all my feelings, providing myself a space, albeit virtual, where i could breathe a bit and seek some sort of human connection, which i couldn’t find in person.
after awhile, i started a few other blogs but it wasn’t until college that i found the blunt artist and created a place that truly reflected who i am. a safe space.
it was the only part of the world that i could control, the only space that i had completely to myself, where i could safely express myself without being judged or glanced at awkwardly - because of its anonymity. i can just let it all go, challenge people’s minds, change their thoughts - and they won't even have to know the person behind all of this.
so here it goes. the blunt artist. hope you guys enjoy.