how to live. (I)
1. sleep. soft sheets on your bare skin as your eyelids shut gently. melt into the overwhelming distress, like a baby sighing, snoring listening to a lullaby, dreaming. of better thoughts, better days, better ways to go on and be brave. 2. write. get drunk to the fluidity of the words and the letters as they slip down one by one, fall, plop down into a goo of blob. feel the physicality of the words, the arcaneness of each letter as drown your soul into the deepness. keep going. keep feeling keep rushing keep dying. 3. run. feel the hum-drum of the wind as it screams into your ear, gushes into your veins. run because your soul needs to because there’s a monster inside of you. because you crave that freedom and you crave that high, because running is like flying and you need the wings to reach the sky. 4. paint. paint your feelings away. see the colors swirl into an incomprehensible disarray. 5. shower. cleanse yourself from the muck; rid yourself of the stains. purify purity pure. 6. organize. your room, your living room, your room that is your mind. the clutter that inundates your boxes of neat thought, the clarity that is now a fog. a fog in the windshield of the car that you try to steer, haphazardly. 7. read. letters of a and b up to z and those words in-between. try to feel, something real. live, vicariously. elevate your mind from languor, from ennui, lack of sensations. 8. breathe. calmly, try to see the light, the future that is alright. believe in the smells and the beauty and try to keep living.
how to live. (II)
1. ruin yourself. hate. look into the mirror and smack yourself down. tell yourself you’re ugly, shit-talk behind your own back, point out the fat on your belly, the awkward angles of your silhouette. laugh at your worthlessness, it’ll be okay. 2. eat shit. cake and chocolate, eat till you die. get caught in the cycle of desire and death, feel happy feel high feel numb and 3. cry. cry till your tears can’t stop rolling until your eyes are empty until your makeup’s dry and you can’t stop sulking. 4. don’t sleep. complain about your time then stay up all night until morning comes by and the blood washes out from your face and you feel tied up in lace. don’t rest don’t sleep keep wasting time don’t breathe. 5. sleep all night sleep all day. lounge on the couch eat chips and be sad. worry and do nothing. sit and then die. 6. isolate. be alone don’t make friends. don’t talk or interact, just stay intact. with your smartphone plastered to your face, thumb glued to the screen. tumblr, facebook, instagram as mindless tasks to distract, mindless photos to feel like crap. 7. feel too much think too much live too little dream too much.