you left me

You left me

grabbing, sprinting towards
nowhere, 
heaving, panting, turning every
where
until I lost myself in the rays that punctured my eyes, 
the beams of desire that tempted me, dragged me forward.  

For I have accustomed, assimilated, 
blended in, like the colors of the rainbow – the sky with the sun!
My vision is now cloudy, my body tipsy, 
my words are jumbled, my letters awry
the world is twirling, my pen is falling,
the lights are blinding, the treats alluring! – 
I am falling into the lustre, the promise of endless grace, 
glamour, sparkles, champagne, did you say, 
let us dance, rejoice, clink our glasses, 
swivel, whirl, off to the races!
My joy is skyrocketing,
serotonin distending, 
no more anti-depressants, you say, you’ll be okay, always!
As long as you lose yourself, 
in the swivel, the charms of the never-ending twirls,
the wheels, the glory, the pending of death.
Let us continue spinning, spinning
into the night day, what difference does it make? 
For the lights are forever flickering, glowing,
the cheers eternally rising.
Let us chase butterflies, run into traps,
fall into leaves, wait for the clap! 
For the lights are glowing,
the audience is roaring, 
I feel belonging, let us keep on soaring! 

But why am I turning, fleeing, grabbing at anything, 
stepping in the blinding light, haphazardly tottering,
blindfolds on, trying to find out what’s right.
For the world around me has muddled, muffled, 
sounds are caustic, biting, 
colors are bedazzling, 
twinkling… 

Where is my protection, dear, my so-dear salvation?
The so-promised freedom, my glorious liberation?

You left. Nothing is real anymore.